i should be studying but i can't. i'm doing what i really want to do--a victim of my own autonomy. i can't stand it. every time i find something that actually comforts me, my will relaxes just long enough so that i can do it. then it reforms all of a sudden and i'm scared to death. it's like some sort of schizophrenic resignation that makes me suddenly a pawn to my want. and now i'm failing all my tests.

no, i'm not writing this to make you think i'm a precocious fourteen year old... i just have to say it, and this place is just dark enough to be appropriate.